I Love this Bar

I walk in, and someone buys me a drink. That drink is finished, the bartender pours me another, "forgets" to put it on the tab. I get another, the tab is started. Some random guy I've never met before buys me a drink becuase the other guy bought me a drink. I order food. Owner of the bar buys me a drink because the random guy that bought the round was an ass and was trying to start a fight with another patron, and I was trying to calm him down. I eat my food. A bartender who wasn't working that night buys me a drink. At that point I have to say enough since I do have to drive. All that and my tab was $12.00.

Alone...

This is a reply of mine to a friends post elsewhere. Eventually I ended up meeting up with some people I work with in the hotel bar, but the feelings are the same.

As you know, I too was working/traveling over Thanksgiving. I was alone in a hotel bar while texting. I have many of the same thoughts as you in terms of being alone on holidays. I've been recently traumatized I think by a friend of mine from HS having a baby, and realizing that she has grown up. I can no longer call her any night and say lets meet for a drink. Her husband was always ok with that, but now with the baby, it's going to be harder.

I have very few friends here at home now. All of my friends, and more appropriately acquaintances live all over the country. I think in the past I have over used the word friend and made it in my mind synonymous with acquaintance. I'm not quite sure when it started. I used to be the person who kept in touch with everyone, who stayed friends with everyone. Now, I'm always the one on the outside looking in. I'm just not there enough to count it seems.

I'm not quite sure how to change this. While it sucks, it's also kind of comfortable. No expectations. At some point I'll pull out of it, but I'm honestly not sure. Hang in there, people will show up. They always do. Just make sure that when they do show up, you do as well.

Another tough one

Much as I expected, the conversation was tough on many levels. I like this person as a friend. I don't like seeing them like this. The person isn't happy, and there's something more going on. I knew it was none of my business, but I care to see them happy. I have no problem with people drinking socially. I have no problem with people getting drunk. The problem becomes when people drink to get drunk every night.

I talked to this person about it, and while they'd say that everything isn't ok, they denied a drinking problem. They denied, despite having facts proving otherwise, their drinking getting in the way of their work. They thought that I was being unfairly critical of them. They thought that I was drawing the attention of higher ups to something that doesn't exist. I told them that this was actually first brought to my attention by higher ups, and that I had been looking the other way for way too long. We agreed to disagree, and we'll see what happens. Reinforcements have been called. I don't want them to throw their life away.

You can go home again.....

... but it won't be the same.

This weekend I had opportunity to drive along some of the road I would drive while I was in high school. I didn't like it. The familiar has changed and no one consulted me. CD-World is gone and is now Romantic Depot. The diner who's name i can't remember is now replaced with a 7/11. I was even back in my old neighborhood and things there have changed. There are too many cars. I don't think that the kids play in the street anymore. There are no basketball hoops up, nothing painted on the street. All that has worn away.

I went down to the river and nice wooden footbridge has been replaced by a metal monstrosity. A lot of the paths that were in the woods have been over grown showing that kids don't go in there to play anymore. Things have definitely changed.

Of Human Bondage

OK, here it is, my dirty little secret. My ideal woman would be dominant in nature most of the time. I love the idea of being controlled and serving a woman. To me, there is nothing that compares with the feeling of being bound and helpless and under the control of a woman. There are actually pictures of me in bondage on the internet. Good Luck finding them.

It all started with B. I had lost a bet to her, and the terms was the loser would do whatever the winner wanted for the weekend. Little did I know what it would involve. I was thinking picking where we went to dinner, what movie we would see, etc. Needless to say I was more than a little shocked when I walked into her place and she said "Strip" harshly. She had some toys, and improvised with things such as clothespins. Little did I know that weekend would open my eyes to a world I've since found I won't be happy without. Since then i have played with a few different partners. While I am a switch, I prefer the submissive role.

I have many memories indelibly marked in my consciousness. One of them involves L. This dates back to my college days. When we met for the first time, we walked around and kissed like we were old lovers. We were going to go back her house, which was about 30 minutes away. When we got into the car, she told me to start masturbating. I was like right here, in the car in broad daylight. She gave me a look that told me yes, so as she was driving, I was stroking myself. Every once in a while, she would give me a hand, and smile at me with her big brown eyes. As I was about to climax, I let her know and asked what I should do. She told me to cum, but I would have to clean up after myself. At this point she starts stroking me harder and it feels great. I cum and she catches most of it on her hand. She then brings it up to my lips and tells me to lick her clean. I hesitated briefly and then started to slowly lick her hand clean. As I was licking my cum from her hand, I was so turned on by this humiliation, I can't explain it. I don't think I've ever felt quite like that again.

L and I would play with nipple clamps, candle wax, ice cubes, so whips, bondage, sensory deprivation. One time I went over in the morning and she had me strip down and go to her room. She then tied me to the bed and blindfolded me. She nibbled on my nipples a little bit (they are sooooo sensitive) and left me there until she came back for her lunch break. I won't bore you with all the details of every encounter here, but you get the idea. I have had a violet wand used on me. I've suffered through orgasm denial. I've been forced to perform oral sex on women. I've had them basically fuck my face while tied down and reaching out with my tongue to pleasure them. I've been whipped, flogged and caned.

One thing that I have always been curious about but have never acted upon is what it feels like to have something inside you. I've never had a bi-sexual experience. I don't know that I could go through with it. I think the best thing for me to try would be to find a woman who was willing to go easy with me and work up through several plugs and eventually a strap-on. From there, who knows.

Again, I'm not sure about this.

One of the hardest conversations I'm about to have

At work we are a very close knit community. Three out of the six of us have worked together for 5 years. We're starting to be concerned about the attitude and actions of one of us. We're afraid that he's become an alcoholic. I'm not sure of the classic definition of an alcoholic, but drinking is starting to affect his job performance and his quality of life. When he hasn't been able to drink for a period of time, he becomes intolerable to those around him. He'll start drinking early in the day, and alone. He has been showing up late. He has been belligerent to people in the office, and they have asked question. His drinking has put himself in danger, and has endangered the lives of others. This will not be pleasant, but it is something that has to be done in order to get him the help he obviously needs. I just hope he takes it well.

To all the girls I've loved before...

We are all shaped by our experiences, both good and bad. For that reason I wouldn't change a thing. While C takes the cake for having the most bearing on how my relationships are today, there are several other woman out there that whether they know it or not have played a role as well. 

My best friend is K. She's not the type I normally go for physically, although I do think she's attractive. She's married now and nothing has ever happened there. I'm glad things are the way they are there. She can be my confidant. Everyone needs a member of the opposite sex they can lean on. 

There was my very first gf B. She went to an all girls catholic school and was not the saint I thought the she was. I was young and naive at the time. I lost a bet to her, and the changed my life forever. Next up would be S1. There are many S's in my life. S1 and I had dated for a few years and never ever fought. It was weird. She was almost too nice. She lived back at home while I was away at college. I started to feel it wasn't working and was becoming increasingly interested in someone else who I was quickly becoming friends with. This new girl and I were inseparable at college, but much to everyones surprise nothing ever happened between us. I wanted to make sure that there was a clean break and I didn't want to cheat on S1. That wasn't my style. I also didn't want to break up with S1 on the phone because that's just not right. I waited until I came home for Thanksgiving break. I actually got a ride home with the new girl. I broke up with S1, and that was difficult to do. Long story short, nothing ever happened with new girl. We had a love hate relationship, but I learned a very valuable lesson that I still remember to this day. Email is good for somethings, but there is no guarantee how the recipient will take it. It can be very impersonal, and inflections, connotations, etc are totally left to the interpretation of the recipient. Things not working out with new girl scarred me for a while. I was unwilling to open up to new people. 

S2 would be next on the hit parade of people who have shaped my relationships. She knows the secret of the bet with B. She has used that to her advantage and we have had an on again off again relationship since then. This relationship is primarily a physical one and exists as a stronger relationship in her mind then in mine. I have tried to just totally break it off altogether, but I haven't been successful with that. I keep getting pulled back into the trap occasionally. She is very tempting to me. The new girl as mentioned above at one point said that I should sleep with S2. When I told her well, I did the weekend prior became extremely upset. I guess if things were going to work out between her and I, she really didn't want anything to happen with anyone, despite what she may say. S2 and I first were involved in a week of time I like to refer to as my 1st male slut phase. Really it wasn't that bad. Two girls in a week. But for me that is being a male slut. The second girl that week actually was armed with information from S2, but that only ended up being a one night thing, although if S2 didn't get so upset, it may have been more. That's my only one night stand. 

I'm not quite sure where L fits into the timeline. She is someone I met online while in college and we've had some good times together. I remember lots of details about my encounters with her, and I don't have a good reason why that is. There have been times when I thought that she was the one, but we haven't spent that much time together. We've always been separated by distance, but have gotten together regardless of distance.

C would fall next into the timeline. See my previous post for information about her. I actually think about or interact with her almost everyday still in some respect. I'm fine with how things are now though, don't get me wrong. She has turned into a very good friend. I find myself going to her more now for advice than K.

J is a girl I met through work while still living with C. C and I weren't sexually active at the time, so while we were dating, nothing was happening. She falls into the same category as the new girl. I think she is attractive, cute, intelligent (most of the time) and very confident. I think a strong confident woman is sexy. There's just an aura about them. She's always smiling always seems to have a good time. Nothing has ever happened with J, we have spent a lot of time together and people keep trying to push us together, but it just hasn't happened yet. I was at one time obsessed with her, but have gotten over that. We have never gone into the hate phase like I did with new girl, but we drift in and out of each others life. 

I briefly dated a girl who I met on match. I feel bad about it because I don't think that I ever really gave her a chance. She's attractive, but I never made her a priority in my life, although she was willing to do that for me. She and I still talk and she has found someone wonderful to share her life with. She's definitely better off. I don't know when I'd have the time. 

There have been others, but those are the significant ones from the past for now.