Honesty is such a lonely word.

Billy Joel was right. I've found that when I have been honest about things with people, they end up shutting me out.

I can be brutally honest sometimes. Usually I don't have a problem with it, especially if I feel it's for someone's own good. Two instances come to mind instantly. The first was with my friend K. She went off to college and met a guy and they dated. They of course were in love, and knew what they wanted. He proposed to her. She said yes. She called my all giddy to tell me the news, and I was that guy. The blunt tell you how it is guy. My response to her was "Congratulations, but it's not like you're going to marry him." There was dead silence on the phone. I really don't remember the rest of the conversation. I admit it. It was an asshole thing to say, but it needed to be done. She and I kept in touch, and about a year or so later, she called me to tell me that they'd broken off the engagement. See, I knew her. I knew that he wasn't the one for her. It wasn't that I had a problem with him, I just knew. I can't explain that one any better than that.

Next example involves AB. AB was a friend in college. She was attractive, athletic looking and liked to be one of the guys. It was odd to ever see her dressed up. AB and I were very friendly, and like so many others, despite everyones thinking, nothing had ever happened between us. With hindsight being 20/20 there were definitely moments where something should have happened. AB was dating a guy who was younger that the rest of us and very much immature at times. Not that any of us were the role model for maturity, but I think you get the picture. I liked the guy and got along great with him. I thought that he was good for her. It was good to see her happy. She went away to a program for a semester and I started seeing him around campus with other girls. I'm fully aware that a guy and a girl can be friends with nothing happening. I think I wrote the book on that, but I could see that's not what was going on. People started to see him out with other girls, hooking up with other girls, etc. Being a friend of AB, I told her point blank he was cheating on her. She said no way, he'd never do that and walked away. She and I stopped talking after that. Mutual friends, who saw what I saw and knew what I knew were asking how could I do that to her, how could I tell her. I was confused at that point. How could they not tell her. They were her friends, and here they were allowing her to be played like a fool. They broke up a few years later because they wanted different things in their life. A few years after that, I got an email from her with the subject "Thank You". In it , she explained that she ran into him at a bar over Thanksgiving and that he admitted to her that he had been cheating on her, and specifically during the time when I had said something to her. She went on to say that she should have listened to me and she was glad that I was able to tell her the truth. I responded something along the lines of "you live and learn". She and I still have almost no contact to this day. Oh well.

I've become more afraid to be brutally honest, because you never know how the person will react. Especially if it's someone I'm close to. Personally, I know I'd want and I trust my friends to be honest with me. I mean when you think about some of my minor obsessions (D comes to mind) no one ever really slapped me into reality. Sometimes I wonder if we are better off living in this fantasy life.

Have you ever sat there and thought about it? Do you like it when people are honest with you, or do you prefer it when they tell you what you want to hear?

This is post number 100 for me as well. I think I deserve a drink.