I think it finally hit me...

As I'm sitting here cleaning my apartment, I think it finally hit me. This weekend is a real life changer for me. I was going to write this in my last entry about perfect timing, but thought better of it. Now I'm thinking better of that.

This weekend there are two life changing events in other peoples lives that are affecting me. I have two people that I would normally talk to about things like this. Unfortunately, each of these events are involving one of these two people.

First, my bff Kristen moved to Arkansas this weekend with her family. Her husband is getting transferred there for work. When she first mentioned to me that her husband was offered the job there, both of us thought that there wasn't a chance that she would actually go. Apparently they sweetened the pot enough. Over the years, Kristen and I have slowly grown apart as we've gotten older. She now lives very much an adult life -- married with a daughter. I'm very much a nomad, traveling for work all the time. When we were younger, we'd spend many a late night at the bar, talking about anything and everything. She is who I would always go to when I had a problem or needed to talk. I filled the same role for her. Even when she met her husband, we'd still hang out a lot and talk. Then i moved to Pittsburgh. Things wer diffeent, but with my travel schedule, I was still in NJ a lot. Then she got out of law school and married. Things started to change then as she was on a different schedule. Ironically, it was after Caroline and I got home from Kristen's wedding that we decided that we were never going to get married to each other. When Kristen had her daughter, that definitely changed things. She couldn't go out as much, and she became a mom. It was a nice change. Anytime that I needed to talk bout anything, Kristen was there. This is something that I cant talk to her about.

Second, Caroline is getting married. This really doesn't bother me, although as I've said before, everyone asking me if it bothers me bothers me. Normally, I would be able to call Caroline and talk to her about Kristen's move and how it is affecting me. I wouldn't dare call her this weekend with all of her wedding prep going on (and today's the big day). I went back and forth about sending a card to Caroline and her hubby. It was a difficult decision. I wanted to wish them well. At the same time I didn't want to screw anything up or cause anything to be akward. In the end, i sent her a simple email saying congratulations, and sent a card to them at their house that they'll get when they get home from their honeymoon. My usual wedding gift would be cash in the currency of country where they are honeymooning. I thought of doing the same thing with them, but decided it would be better to send just a card afterwards. That and i couldn't find out where they were going on their honeymoon without seeming like a stalker.

While I'm sitting here cleaning my apartment for my party tomorrow night, it all seemed to finally hit me. The two women (aside from my mom) who are most responsible for who I am are both essentially leaving today. That sounds a little dramatic, but its the best way I can put it. I know that they will both still be around, and the world is getting smaller every day, but things will be different after today. I won't be able to just call Kristen and plan for dinner next week. In all honesty, I don't know how shes going to survive in Arkansas. Actually, I don't know how Arkansas will survive her living there.

On a side note, it's dawned on me, if I were to get married in the next 6 months, i have no idea who would be my best man or who would be in my wedding party.