Marriage

In the past few weeks, the owner of my company has made comments publicly about getting me married at least three times. They have all been in jest -- I think -- but I wonder if at least part of the reason I'm not married is because of my job. I don't know if I could do the job that I do if I was married. I've said many times, I don't know how people are able to make it work. I have to say, those who do stay married are the exception.

I honestly think that my job cost me two relationships. I'm a firm believer in fate, and what will happen will happen, but I'm fairly certain if it wasn't for my job- and my dedication to doing a good job, I probably would be married now. That said, both of those women I met because of my job, so....

(Un)Fortunately, I can't really half -ass things. It's not in my nature. Because of that, I get enveloped in work and it gets to be to much. One of these days when the time is right, I'll get married. I don't understand what all the peer pressure to get married is though.

A perfect example of that would be J. She's getting married in a few weeks to a nice guy she met while traveling overseas with her mother. I've met him a few times and wish them all the best. I was invited to the wedding, unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the wedding because you guessed it- work. I had a dilemma about going anyway- If I should go with a guest or not. I'm not dating anyone, but at the same time, I would know very few people if anyone other than the bride and groom. I sent my regrets and a nice gift. She understands. I insisted that I get to see pictures of the wedding though, in particular of her in a dress. I'm still a bit surprised that she's getting married because she was always so anti-marriage. I guess people change.

I go back

I've been neglecting writing lately, and I think it has really been affecting me. I've always found that when I have an outlet, I'm able to keep my mind clearer/freer of distractions. I recently found out that a former colleague committed suicide. I don't know many of the circumstances, but I am still in shock over it. Outwardly he was one of the happiest people I worked with. I guess he kept things bottled up. Maybe there was something else going on that I didn't (and apparently none of our mutual friends) know about. RIP Swa.

I turned 36 this week. Not a major accomplishment or milestone, but I'm really beginning to realize that I'm not a young kid anymore.

I was invited to J's wedding, but I decided not to go. First, I didn't really have anyone to go with. I think this is a wedding where I'd feel slightly out of place. I'd really only know the bride, and no one else. The entertainment value of J getting married didn't outweigh this. The other issue was that somehow my office couldn't find anyone to cover me for the time of the wedding. It makes me wonder why I even have vacation if I can't take it when my truck is working. I did manage to take 21 days of vacation this year. 17 days of that was when my truck wasn't working and I would have been off anyway.


I'd been working on this bottom part of the blog for a few weeks. Surprisingly a friend posted something similar as a status recently. I guess I'm not the only one.

Have you heard Kenny Chesney's dong "I Go Back"? It talks about how certain songs forever hold a meaning in our lives, and hearing them will instantly take you back in time and place to days gone by. Listening to my iPod will bring all sorts of emotions based on what songs are played. Some will take me back to my high school days, some to wild parties that were had and no one knew about, some to previous loves, some to all night (and then day, and then night) edit sessions, many to good times down the shore with good friends. Then I realize that by doing that I'm living in the past.

Songs have also had meaning to me. I remember when I went away to college, a friend gave me a mix tape (yes, I'm that old that I got a mix-tape). She had put a lot of songs on it, but one really hit home with me- Desperado by the Eagles. I didn't date much in HS, and had a tendency to get wrapped up in pursuing someone and have blinders on to everything else.

"Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get"

I often wonder if she included it on the tape for that reason. I never asked her.

There's an annoying pop song out there now by Katy Perry- TGIF that actually caused me to remember something from college. There's a line in there about skinny dipping after dark, and I had totally forgotten about a time I went skinny dipping with a girl named Grannie . I had totally forgotten about that experience until that song was in high rotation over the summer. She left after the first semester freshman year. I wonder what every happened to her.

There's an Adele song out now- "Someone Like You" that when I actually listened to the lyrics for the first time caused me to well up. It pretty much sums up my feelings. There really isn't anyone that I don't wish the best to. I often wonder why something happened, or didn't work out, but I have no ill-will. I figure I'm just as responsible.